Ever feel like you want to start over? That’s fairly vague, but i mean just in life. If you were given the option, would you? I used to definitively say no. I’m not so sure these days.
I just read something about raising kids and allowing them to make their own choices, which got me thinking about the ones I’ve made to get where I am. Holy fuck do i feel like I’ve made the wrong choice at almost every juncture along the way to get where I am.
I started this blog to be as real as I can, say how I really feel. Then, when i really could have used the outlet, i didn’t want to. It’s the entire reason i started it! Im really at a loss right now as to what im supposed to do with my life. My job isn’t enjoyable, but i don’t see a way i can really do anything else. I wanted to go back to school this year, but i don’t see how I’m going to be able to do that. I’m feeling pretty stuck. I still live in my hometown, I’ve always loved it but now i don’t really feel like it’s where i want to be.
Tonight i did want to talk about things with somebody i have been there for, but they seem to disappear when i want someone to talk to. Life’s a bitch isn’t it? I’m not trying to talk myself up, but i try my best to be there for anyone who needs it, and I feel I’ve done a good job of that. Unfortunately it’s not always returned in kind, so now I’m questioning how much I’ve put myself out there. I may need to step back, and just deal with my own shit for a while. I don’t know.
I’ve tried keeping language in this pretty PG to this point, but i kind of felt the need to show how i really feel. Anyway, off to the eternal struggle of trying to fall asleep with a million things on my mind. Good night.